waiting for your call i'm sick call i'm angry call i'm desperate. [17 Feb 2006|04:01pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | secondhand serenade; your call ] i need to get this livejournal up and running again. i deleted my blurty because i need to let go of three years somehow. i also don't think it's fair that the whole world gets insight to my life, yet they see my struggling and don't help at all. i've never tried to be an attention whore intentionally, but i need someone to see me right now. i feel completely invisible and lost to the world now that i've realized my only real good friend doesn't want to know me anymore. i made a stupid mistake and let my guard down. i regret becoming vulnerable and giving myself up, and all my secrets and hopes and dreams, and let them go so he would pretend to listen and pretend to care and pretend to love all of me for who i was.. when in reality he knew i couldn't give him what he wanted. sometimes i really wish he would've opened up more so it didn't have to come to this. i'm not even sure people will read this because i lost contact with a lot of you guys. i'm sorry for that. i feel like such a jerk and sometimes i just want people to look at me and think that i'm a really nice person. i don't think i'd want to be friends with me either anymore. it's alright. this feeling is going to be hard to get rid of. you all know i have trouble letting go of things. this is the hardest thing i'll ever have to let go of. ..at the moment i don't even want to try. only the strongest will survive

jack's mannequin [08 Sep 2005|08:43pm] [ mood | peaceful ] [ music | jack's mannequinl bruised ] I hate to do this here but I desperately need to get some points :[, so if you could help me out I'd like all of you nice people to check out Jack's Mannequin, Andrew McMahon's (Something Corporate) side project.. er, even if you don't like them, it'd be nice to sign up ;) only the strongest will survive

& moved - [02 May 2004|02:00pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | sugarcult; crying ] greatestjournal.com/~verisimilitude missrachee signed off at 2:01:59 PM. 3 only the strongest will survive

The experience of survival is the key.. [02 Apr 2004|11:14pm] [ mood | scared ] [ music | enigma; gravity of love ] There's something strange about being is this room at night. Everything's dark except for the bright glow of this rather oversized computer monitor. And there are those tall shadows again, on the pale orange wall behind me. I know I'm just paranoid, but it's scaring the hell out of me. I have to keep looking behind my shoulder every three seconds. I know awhile ago I said I felt like I was being watched, this is the kind of feeling I guess. I have to turn up the volume and keep my headphones on because any small noises, or even the humming of the computer, are making me jumpy. Basically, it's 11:30pm and I'm completely out of it. Well, actually, no. I took a long nap earlier. I guess when I say out of it I mean completely insane. Oh well. Love forever, Rachel only the strongest will survive

~ [31 Aug 2003|03:55pm] [ mood | pissed off ] Friends only. No, I won't add you unless you're a good friend of mine. And I know who my friends are, thanks. 1 only the strongest will survive

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